In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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