It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
