Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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