Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
