you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
