I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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