Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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