I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
