The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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