yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize