So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize