the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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