My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
