My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
