He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
