i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he shaved USA in his pubs
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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