she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Help. Why am I so naked?
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