if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it penis luge time yet?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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