Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
