its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
