TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
