can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This toilet bowl is my home.
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