careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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