what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
