What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
