i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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