Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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