i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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