We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
