I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
