Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
