Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize