Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
