And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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