Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
