Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
