I'm eating all of the evidence.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
soo... how was my night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize