That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
