she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
