You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
