I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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