I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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