Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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