I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
