new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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