Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Randomize
