Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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