just tell him i said nine months
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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