sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
