life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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