my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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