You can't motorboat a personality
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
