he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
