When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
