I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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