OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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