Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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