Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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