There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm getting married
To pizza
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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