The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
