OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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