I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
