I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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