just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In other news, I just burned my penis
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize