the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
