You can't special order awesome
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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