Got a toothbrush?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize