If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize