he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
