M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
