Just took my morning after pill in the library
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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