Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
