my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You can't motorboat a personality
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
