Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
