I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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