im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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